Help wanted!

[Red Laser]

CODE NAME:

NIGHT-VIPER
COBRA NIGHT FIGHTER

A NIGHT-VIPER'S HELMET IS A MIRACLE OF ELECTRONIC-MINIATURISATION. ASIDE FROM IT'S WIDE-ANGLE THIRD-GENERATION, IMAGE-INTENSIFIER, DIRECTIONAL SOUND AMPLIFIER AND LASER RANGE-FINDER THE HELMET BOASTS A PASSIVE INFRARED DETECTOR THAT CAN SPOT THE BODY HEAT OF A SQUIRREL AT 100 YARDS. THE NIGHT-VIPER'S HELMET, COMBAT SUIT AND WEAPONS ARE MOSTLY MADE OF SYNTHETIC COMPOSITES THAT REDUCE THE WEARER'S OWN INFRARED SIGNATURE AND DEFY MOST GROUND RADARS.

"NIGHT-VIPERS ARE ALWAYS IN TRAINING AND NEVER SEE DAYLIGHT. THEY LIVE IN WINDOWLESS BARRACKS WITH NO INTERIOR LIGHTS. THEY SPEND MPST OF THEIR TIME TRYING TO SNEAK UP ON EACH OTHER. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO KNOCK ONE OUT IS TO SHINE A FLASHLIGHT IN HIS FACE AND BURN OUT HIS SENSORS. THE PROBLEM IS,YOU HAVE TO FIND HIM FIRST."

[DAMartin]

SAILOR
CODE NAME: SHIPWRECK
FILE NAME: DELGADO, HECTOR X.
S/N: 924-92-5456
PRIMARY MILITARY SPECIALTY: GUNNERS MATE
SECONDARY MILITARY SPECIALTY: MACHINIST
PLACE OF BIRTH: CALIFORNIA, USA
GRADE: CPO

SHIPWRECK GREW UP IN THE SHADOW OF THE NAVY, SPECIFICALLY THE SHADOW OF THE SPRAWLING SAN DIEGO NAVY YARDS. HE ENLISTED AT THE YOUNGEST POSSIBLE AGE WITH HIS PARENTS' PERMISSION AND PROCEEDED TO SERVE WITH DISTINCTION IN THE MEKONG DELTA WHERE HAND TO HAND FIGHTING WITH RIVER PIRATES, SMUGGLERS AND INSURGENTS WAS THE ORDER OF THE DAY. PUT IN TIME AT "GITMO" AND YOKOSUKA AND WAS ON HAND AT CERTAIN CARRIER-INITIATED OPERATIONS AT THE MIDDLE EAST.

GRADUATED NAVAL GUNNERY SCHOOL GREAT LAKES. QUALIFIED EXPERT: M-16, M-14, BROWNING .50 CAL., 20 MM OERLIKEN AA GUN, M1911A1.

"SHIPWRECK IS YOUR QUINTESSENTIAL SAILOR. HE CAN SPLICE A LINE, FRY POWDERED EGGS IN THE TOOTH OF A GALE AND EAT THEM, TELL TALLER TALES THAN A PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST AND TAKE A THREE DAY LEAVE IN THULE, GREENLAND AND COME BACK SMILING."

[Red Laser]

CODE NAME:

RANGE-VIPERS
COBRA WILDERNESS TROOPERS

RANGE-VIPERS ARE USUALLY COMMITTED TO LONG-TERM OPERATIONS DEEP WITHIN UNFRIENDLY TERRITORY, COMPLETELY CUT OFF FROM COMMUNICATIONS OR SUPPLIES. THEY HAVE AN USUALLY HIGH TOLERANCE FOR DISCOMFORT AND CAN SURVIVE ON A DIET OF SNAKES, GRUBS, ROOTS, BERRIES NUTS AND WHATEVER SLOW RODENTS THEY CAN CATCH. THEY ARE EXPECTED TO BUILD THEIR SHELTERS OUT OF INDIGENOUS MATERIALS USUALLY ROCKS AND MUD, AND PROCURE THEIR OWN AMMUNITION BY WAY OF HIT AND RUN RAIDS ON ENEMY AMMO DEPOTS.

"RANGE-VIPERS ARE FAVOURITES OF THE COBRA HIGH COMMAND SINCE THEY ARE INEXPENSIVE TO SUSTAIN. ONCE THEY'RE IN THE FIELD, THEY DON'T COST ANYTHING TO FEED, CLOTHE AND ARM. RANGE-VIPERS DON'T CARE WHO THEY SHOOT, AS LONG AS THEY SHOOT AT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING! THAT'S WHY THE COBRA HIGH COMMAND MAKES SURE THEY STAY OUT IN THE BUSH."

[DAMartin]

CODE NAME: STEAM-ROLLER
MOBILE COMMAND CENTRE OPERATOR
FILE NAME: WHITCOMB, AVERILL B.
S/N: 500 54-7793
PRIMARY MILITARY SPECIALTY: HEAVY EQUIPMENT OPERATOR
SECONDARY MILITARY SPECIALTY: ARTILLERY
PLACE OF BIRTH: DULUTH, MINNESOTA
GRADE: E-5

STEAM-ROLLER WORKED HEAVY CRANES ON THE GREAT LAKES' DOCKS, EARTHMOVERS IN THE STRIP MINES OF APPALACHIA AND GRADERS ON THE FOUR-LANE BLACKTOPS OF A HALF DOZEN STATES. HE WAS DRIVING AN M-15A2, 50 TON TRANSPORTER WHEN HE WAS PICKED UP FOR THE ACTION FORCE TEAM. HE MAY ONLY BE AN E-5, BUT NO MATTER WHO'S RANKED ABOVE HIM ON HIS MOBILE COMMAND CENTRE, STEAM-ROLLER'S GUT INSTINCTS ARE THE ONES IN CHARGE. QUALIFIED EXPERT WITH ALL NATO SMALL-ARMS AND EXPLOSIVES.

"HE'S A MOOSE. HE CONSIDERS A PETERBILT 10 WHEEL TRACTOR A PERSONAL VEHICLE AND A .44 MAGNUM A POCKET PISTOL. HE GETS BARRED FROM BOWLING ALLEYS FOR DAMAGING THE PINS. HE'S STUBBORN, TREACHEROUS, MEAN-TEMPERED, BAD-HUMORED AND UNCOUTH. HAS HE GOT ANY GOOD POINTS? WELL, HE'S ON OUR SIDE..."

[Red Laser]

CODE NAME:

SNOW SERPENT
COBRA SNOW TROOPER

VEHICLE PROFICIENCY: COBRA GRADE 7.
LICENSED TO OPERATE: HEAVY ATTACK VEHICLES, INCLUDING POLAR CLASS ICE SABER.

SNOW SERPENTS ARE THE COLD ENVIRONMENT SPECIALISTS OF THE EELS*, AND ARE SPECIALLY TRAINED AND EQUIPPED TO FIGHT UNDER ARCTIC CONDITIONS THAT WOULD GIVE A POLAR BEAR FROSTBITE. EQUIPPED WITH DOWN-FILLED SUITS HEATED BY THE SAME BACKPACK HEATING SYSTEM THAT CIRCULATES HOT AIR THROUGH THE WORKING PARTS OF THEIR WEAPONS, SNOW SERPENTS CAN CONTINUE TO FIGHT IN TEMPERATURES LOW ENOUGH TO FREEZE THE BOLTS ON MOST G.I. JOE WEAPONS.

"A SNOW SERPENT IS EXPECTED TO ENDURE RIGOROUS PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAINING AS PART OF HIS EVERYDAY EXISTENCE. HIS BARRACKS ARE UNHEATED, HIS MESS HALL DOESN'T SERVE HOT FOOD, AND IT'S CONSIDERED A POINT OF HONOR TO TAKE NOTHING BUT COLD SHOWERS. ALL OF THS ENHANCES HIS ABILITY TO BE A FORMIDABLE ARCTIC FIGHTER, MAINLY BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM EXCEEDINGLY MEAN-TEMPERED AND NASTY."

*COBRA FROGMEN

[The Baron]

Fantastic! Thanks, DAMartin, Ironblood and Monkfish!

[Greg3]

CODE NAME:
ICE VIPER
COBRA WOLF DRIVER

ICE VIPERS ARE THE MECHANISED BRANCH OF THE SNOW SERPENTS, BOTH OF WHICH MUST FIRST QUALIFY AS COBRA EELS (COBRA FROGMEN). THEY MUST TAKE THE ADDITIONAL TRAINING OF TECHNO-VIPERS AND BE PREPARED TO SERVICE AND REPAIR THEIR OWN VEHICLES IN HOSTILE ARCTIC ENVIRONMENTS. ICE VIPERS ARE FED A SPECIAL HIGH-FAT DIET TO HELP RETAIN BODY HEAT AND HAVE THEIR FACES DEPILATED TO PREVENT FROST FROM THEIR BREATH ICING UP THEIR BEARDS.

"WHEN IT'S 40 DEGREES BELOW ZERO ON THE TUNDRA AND EVERYBODY IS BUTTONED UP TIGHT IN THEIR SHELTER BECAUSE AN ICE STORM IS BLOWING IN FROM THE NORTH, THAT'S WHEN YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE ICE VIPERS SNEAKING UP ON YOU. OUT THERE IN THE BIG WHITENESS, THERE ISN'T ANY PLACE TO HIDE. WHOEVER BUNDLES UP FIRST BECAUSE HE FIGURES IT'S TOO COLD TO FIGHT, LOSES!"

[Greg3]

CODE NAME:
MONKEYWRENCH
DREADNOK

FILE NAME: BILL WINKIE
PLACE OF BIRTH: RHYL, NORTH WALES

MONKEYWRENCH WAS BORN IN RHYL, NORTH WALES, WHERE HE BUILT EXPLOSIVE DEVICES INDISCRIMINATELY FOR A GROUP OF OBSCURE TERRORISTS. HAVING MADE HIMSELF A PARIAH IN HIS HOMETOWN BY THE AGE OF SIXTEEN, HE DRIFTED TO LONDON'S EAST END TO TAKE PART IN A "NEW WAVE" MOVEMENT, WHERE HE DEVELOPED RUDENESS AND CRUDE AND ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR TO LEVELS UNHEARD OF IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE. EVENTUALLY, HIS WANDERINGS BROUGHT HIM TO AUSTRALIA WHERE HE JOINED UP WITH THE DREADNOKS.

"MONKEYWRENCH WAS BORN ON GUY FAWKES DAY, WHICH COMMEMORATES THE FOILING OF THE GUNPOWDER PLOT TO BLOW UP THE HOUSE OF PARLIAMENT. A DUMMY OF THE VILLAIN, GUY FAWKES, IS BURNT ON A BONFIRE AMIDST THE CONTINUOUS DETONATION OF FIREWORKS. COULD THIS EXPLAIN MONKEYWRENCH'S PROBLEMS WITH EXPLOSIVES AND LOUD NOISES? HIS RECORD COLLECTION IS LIMITED TO "THE 1812 OVERTURE", "THE ANVIL CHORUS", AND "WIPEOUT".

[Greg3]

CODE NAME:
MOTOR VIPER
COBRA STUN PILOT

THE MOTOR-VIPER CORPS ATTRACTS THE TYPE OF INDIVIDUAL WHO, WITHOUT THE BENEFIT OF AN EDUCATION AND AMBITION, MIGHT HAVE JOINED THE DREADNOKS. THE COBRA RECON AND PERIMETER DEFENCE FORCES ARE DISCIPLINED, EFFICIENT AND HIGHLY MOTIVATED IN THE MANNER OF ALL ELITE GROUPS. THIS IS FAIRLY SURPRISING, SEEING THAT THE FORCE SEEMS TO BE COMPRISED OF THE TYPE THAT ENJOYS DRIVING AT HIGH SPEEDS AND FINDS AMUSEMENT IN DANGER.

"AS FAR AS WE CAN FIGURE, THE MOTOR-VIPERS DON'T GET PAID ANY BETTER THAN THE GROUND-VIPERS OR SEA-VIPERS, NOR DO THEY RECEIVE ANY SPECIAL PRIVILEGES OR BENEFITS. THEY HAVE THEIR OWN DISTINCTIVE UNIFORM BUT IT'S NO FLASHIER THAN THE REST. WHY THEN, WOULD A COBRA VOLUNTEER FOR SUCH AN OBVIOUSLY HAZARDOUS DUTY UNLESS IT WAS THE DANGER ITSELF THAT APPEALED TO HIM?"

[Greg3]

CODE NAME:
ROAD PIG
DREADNOK

FILE NAME: SCUNGE, TERRENCE
SN: 576-44-3345
BIRTHPLACE: CANVEY ISLAND
ARREST RECORD: SPEEDING, RECKLESS DRIVING, ASSAULT, CAR THEFT, EXTORTION, FELONY SPITTING AND PETTY BRIBERY.

WHEN ROAD PIG WAS BORN, THE DOCTOR HELD HIM UP AND SAID, "THIS IS THE UGLIEST LOOKING BABY I'VE EVER SEEN!" HE WAS EXPELLED FROM KINDERGARTEN FOR MILK-MONEY EXTORTION AND DISHONORABLY DISCHARGED FROM THE CUB SCOUTS. AFTER BEING KICKED OUT OF A LOW-LIFE, OUTLAW GANG FOR SMELLING WORSE THAN WAS ACCEPTABLE BY EVEN THEIR STANDARDS, HE JOINED THE DREADNOKS AS A PROBATIONARY MEMBER. THEY'RE HAVING A HARD TIME MAKING UP THEIR MINDS ABOUT THIS ONE...

"UGLY? THEY BANNED HIM FROM FOOTBALL GAMES BECAUSE HE STOPPED THE CLOCK! HIS MOTHER HAD TO TIE A PORK CHOP AROUND HIS NECK SO THE DOG WOULD PLAY WITH HIM! HE WENT TO VISIT THE TOWER OF LONDON AND GOT LOCKED UP! I'LL TELL YOU, BEAUTY MAY BE SKIN DEEP, BUT UGLY GOES CLEAN TO THE BONE!"