Blood for the Baron!

Stormie Saves Xmas - Chapter 1 - A Spot of Bother in Toy Land...

Lord help us, it's time for:-

Chapter 1 - A spot of bother in ToyLand...

Twas the night before Xmas and all around the little Lego house....

Na, not really - in the middle of Toy Land is Santa's Toy Factory - where the little ToyMaker cleverly puts together all of the toys for dispatch to all of the little girls and boys who have been good, and even the chavvy little scumbags that haven't but due to the unique way our government uses our taxes their parents still have loads of money to toddle off to Toys R Us anyway.



the Toy factory is set in very tranquil surroundings, but the presence of an abandoned bunker in the background serves as a constant reminder that things were not always so peacefully around here [phew - that explains the bunker in the background that SteveD couldn't work out how best to edit out!]



Everyone is very happy and far too nice:-



Carol singers have bobbed by to entertain the Toymaker whilst he has five minutes off from his last minute toy making:-



And the locals are trimming up the Xmas Tree ready for tomorrows festivities:-



Even the local kids are getting in a bit of skiing to try to hide their excitement that Xmas is tomorrow:-



But as tonight is Xmas Eve, all is quiet. Santa has just popped by to pick up the last of the presents before he sets off on his rounds,





Generally, all is very peaceful at the Toymakers Grotto, after a bloody hard few months working round the clock to get all of the presents made (toymakers don't have Unions).

Little did the Toymaker and his friends realise that the recent long hours were the least of their worries!



"Freeze Mo - Fo. We're here to take over this little factory to churn out Mutons, ready to take over the world."



"And you, the fat guy in the red, you're going nowhere tonight - Santa Claus or no Santa Claus... "

"Major - have the Shadows round everyone up, and bring them to me. Secure me that Grotto as my Winter Retreat, and break all the toys so nobody gets anything this Xmas other than a bullet between the eyes from me (and that's if they are lucky")."

"Yes Sir"







But, in the confusion of the battle, a lone skier eludes capture at the hands of the Shadows.



The locals rounded up, Baron and the Major take the weight off their feet and discuss the invasion so far:-



"Is that everyone?"



"I do believe so, yes. Other than the Chef - we just bound him up inside - figured you might want him to rustle us all up some Mince Pies for later, to celebrate your new Ski Lodge and general ruining of Xmas"

"Good idea Major - get him to put plenty of brandy in the mix too - proper mans Mince Pies. In fact - bring him to me so I can tell him myself"

"Will do"



CHEF:- "Okay, okay, I get it - proper mans mince pies or you'll kill me - I'll get right to it"

"Major - I don't like the look of that one - reminds me of someone I once knew in the forces - have him watched over as he bakes."

"Shall I get the Baroness onto the job Boss?"

"Sterling idea Major - get her to watch him. Now, I figure we deserve ourselves a sit down after a hard nights evil dictatoring. What say you Major?"

"Sounds a sterling plan to me Boss..."

But as they sit, something starts to bother the Baron:-



"Major - that snowman is an abomination [corny, I know! - SD]- sort it out for me will you?"

"Oi!! You lot - the Gaffa thinks that Snowman is crap - make a new one."

"Yes Sir!!!"



"There we are Baron - is that okay for you?"



"Ahhhhh, that's much better - now I feel truly at home. I wonder how long those pies will be..."

Meanwhile, Toylands only hope is frantically skiing away from the scene:-

Chapter 2 - "Calling out for a Hero"

Much later:-



LITTLE LEGO DUDE "Phew - I think I finally made it away. Lord help us - that evil genius with the goatee got everyone else, and now I've skied so hard I've got no idea where I am! And everything looks so big here.... Ahhhhh - I see lights up in the distance. The - Boars - Vest???? No, that cant be right........"

Inside:-



BOSS:- "Plans for next year you say Rosco? Well, we will, of course, find some way to make the Duke Boys late with their mortgage repayments so that we can then foreclose on their mortgage and I can drill for oil under Jesse's Farm, again. More watering down of the beer in the Boars Nest. Then theres the illegal gambling racket that we can set up. More of the same - pretty dull really. Still, we can always have a bet here and there with our usual gang of naerdorights and dropouts....."



DAISY: - "Boss - sorry to interrupt and all, but there's a little guy here as we just found passed out on the front door step of the Boars Nest as we were about to lock up for the night. Shall I let him in? He says as its urgent and all......"



LITTLE LEGO DUDE:- "You have to help - Toy Land is in danger - Baron Ironblood (the Lego version) has taken over Santa's Grotto/Workshop, and made it his ski lodge. And he's kidnapped Santa, and the ToyMaker, and my friends. Xmas is doomed! Doomed I tell you!!!"






BOSS:- "Now hold on just one Cotton picking minute!!! Now, Rosco, we might have pulled some pretty evil stunts in our time...."

Rosco :- "You can say that again little fat buddy"

BOSS:- "Now, Rosco, we might have pulled some pretty evil stunts in our time...."

ROSCO:- "I didn't mean literally Boss...."

BOSS:- "Anyway, as I was saying, we may have pulled some pretty evil stunts in our time....

ROSCO: - "that's three times now Boss"

BOSS :- " well there have been more than three occasions, and ROSCO!!! STOP INTERUPTING ME!!!! As I was about to say, we may have pulled some pretty evil stunts in our time, but nobody, and I mean NOBODY is ruining Christmas on my watch!!!!!"

ROSCO : - "But you're not wearing a watch Boss"

BOSS: - "Shut up Rosco!!! Now, nobody is ruining Xmas on my watch, we're going to get to play the good guys for once, and we're gonna kick this Ironblood blokes ass, and save Xmas!! You know why???"

ROSCO : - "I got no idea little fat buddy..."

BOSS: - "Well, because ruining stuff or not around here is my decision!!!! On account of one reason"

ROSCO:- "Because you're the Boss??"

BOSS: - "That's right - because I'm the Boss!!!! So I'll tell you what we're gonna do - we're gonna call some people who know some people, and we're gonna save Xmas. And then we're gonna steal everything off everyone ourselves and make them miserable again next year, but at least they will have all had a good Xmas beforehand....."



To Be Continued....

| CHAPTER 4:- Grotto Under Siege....



"Well I never knew a John Deere could do power slides! Stig - you really are the man! I cant believe how quickly we have got here. I thank you for your help thus far Stig, but from here on in it's up to me - stealth is the key now, and the Deere, as cool as it is in it's custom green and yellow livery, will alert them to our presence far too quickly. Go back a few miles, and hide in the woods until I summon you."

Stig: "......................................................................................."

Stormie, having surveyed the scene from a distance, decides this is a job for the StormWings â„¢. He therefore kits himself out in his CondorMan reject outfit, and ascends high into the branches of the nearby (enormous!) tree, to take up the best vantage point to consider his attack:-



"Hmmmm - this is looking worse than I thought - they've got Santa and everyone else totally surrounded, and there's seemingly no sign of any help at all. This truly is going to take some doing if I am to once more save the day."



"Ahhh, you know what - balls to it! In for a penny in for a pound eh?"

Cries Stormie as he boldly dives (this is the Old Stormie remember - he's fearless and a bit of a hard case - even though he is made of Lego!) off the tree and descends beautifully to the rooftop, without even the slightest hint of a support rope nor and strings or hands holding him....."






Skilled at the art of silent flight our hero executes a perfect stealth landing atop the grotto roof:-



....and the Shadows barely even have chance to cry out before they are despatched...




"WTF????????" SLICE......






....HACK... Stormie takes out the second of the two silently, before skiing down to take out the third.....

[see! You just knew those skis would come into the plan somehow didn't you????]



....STAB.....



The roof guards done in, the ground guards oblivious to our heroes presence, Stormie surveys the scene further:-






From his current vantage point, Stormie is surprised to learn that the Lego house is one of those rare ones with no back wall!

"This will work to my advantage"



As he climbs silently down he surveys the scene, as Chef is cooking up the Barons Mince pies under the keen eye of the Baroness.



"How come I get lumbered watching you cook? I tell ya, I'll have him up for sex discrimination once we get back to normal. This isn't on, I tell ya, I'm not happy."

Chef:- "Did anyone ever tell you you're hot when you're angry?"

"really, you think so? Ahem, sorry, enough chatter Chef - get cooking - I'm hungry now too"

Silently, Stormie descends further, and weighs up his options....








.....and dons his full on ninja garb once more, having discarded the StormWing and helmet....


....Before leaping down, to the surprise of Baroness and the Chef:-




"WTF????????"

[whispers in Baronesses ear] "One wrong move and I will sever your pretty little head from your body"

The distraction caused by Stormies entrance is just enough for Chef to take matters into his own hands....



...CLANG.....



"Good going!!!!"



Chef:- "Good Lord - it's you! The Old Stormie!!!! Are you here to save us?"

- "But of course - we'll have this situation sorted out soon dear chap. Right, first of all, lets tie up the Baroness here - pass me that chair"

Stormie and Chef proceed to tie the Baroness to the conveniently located swivel chair...



"Right, now we're got her secured, I'm going to pop up onto the roof again and have a good look around and see what we can do Chef. Give me a minute or two....."








".... Hmmmmmmm, not looking good, although I have got one or two ideas. I think we're going to need reinforecements though" Stormie mused, before returning to the Grotto....

"....I'll not lie to you Chef - it's looking bad out there - there's Red Shadows everywhere - if we go with an all out assault we're going to get our asses kicked. We need reinforecements. Have you any experience with weaponry Chef?"

Chef:- "well, funny you should mention that - I used to be a Navy Seal."

"A Seal??"

Chef:- "yes, and not the performing for fish kind either"

"This could work to our advantage - what's your name soldier?"

Chef:- "Well, they call me Segal. Chef Segal"

"Seagull???? That's a bit of a rubbish name isn't it???"

Chef:- "How dare you! I've killed men for less than that!!! And besides, says you - Mr Shadow!"

"okay, lets not bicker here - we need to unite against our common enemy here..."

Chef:- "What, the Peoples Front of Judea??"

"No, you fool - The Baron and his Shadows!!"

Chef:- "ahhhh, yes, I forgot about them!!"

"right - firstly - take her gun, and now, here's the plan........"

WHSIPER WHISPER WHISPER "do you think she'll go for it????" WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER....

"Baroness, dear. Chef and I have a proposal for you. Chef was saying how fed up you are with the Baron treating you like crap, so we wondered how you'd feel about helping us out? We need someone to go for some reinforcements, and in exchange, once the siege here is sorted, and Xmas is saved, me, you and Chef Segal here can all meet up in my Exceutive Suite at The Lego Hilton for New Years Eve, where we will both make you feel like a real woman, rather than just another lacky?"

"really??? Both of you??? Executive Suite you say? Has is got a hottub?"

"yes, and a private balcony"

"So we can have an al fresco spit roast?"

"indeed, my dear, you can eat whatever you want...."

Chef: - "I'm not entirely sure that's what she meant Stormie...."

- "I'M IN!!! What do you need me to do?"

"well first, let me just cut these ropes to set you free...."



THE THREE DISCUSS THE PLANS....



"Right, well, you're going to take the StormWing, and go for help, in the meantime Chef Segal and I will see what we can do here to sort out this mess we have going on, and ultimately, Save Xmas. And then, hot mince pies all around and the promise of the Lego Hilton."



"Does that thing come in black?"

"No"

"Damn - okay -Lets do this thing"



So the Baroness gets kitted up in the StormWing assault gear, and ascends to the rooftops, as Stormie and Chef Segal look on....






"now don't forget - both of us, Executive Suite, Lego Hilton - real woman - just hurry back with the reinforcements?"

"You got it! Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"




As the Baroness soars from the rooftops, leaving our two heros alone once more.




Chef:- "Do you think she'll make it in one piece?"

"I hope so, she's hot....."





Chef: - "so what now Stormie - it looks bad out there"

- "you stay here, I'm going to pop out once more and see what the situation looks like from the ground here...and get them Mince pies back in - once we've kicked their asses out there and reinforcements arrive we're all going to be hungry - especially the fat guy in red - he's got a big night ahead of him!!!"

And our hero once more sneaks out for a bit of surveillance.....





"Right Chef - I've got a plan. I've brought me along a disguise...."



- "After all, stealth is the key here, rather than an all out assault, as they'd waste us in minutes. We just need to get you a disguise now too.."

Chef: - "and where on earth are we going to get me a disguise from?"

"Don't worry Chef - I've got a great idea. Bear with me one moment...."





Chef:- "Stormie, wait - only a fool would go out there ---- a damned, brave fool"

"Those are my middle names Chef, my middle names....."

So, there we have it children - our Hero came good in the end, with a little bit of help from his new friends, and a few promises of wealth and kinky stuff to motivate him. I guess there's a message in there for us all somewhere.

Just what was it on Stormie's List for Santa??? We shall eventually find out in the New Year.

For the time being, from & and all of their hangers on (and from me, SteveD):-

Steve absolutely brilliant much better than A Nightmare Before Christmas well done.