Blood for the Baron!

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Dawn, a lonely island radar post off the coast of Scotland...

All quiet, Breaker.
Yes-a Skeep. Is-a too quiet for my liking. When-a we gonna see some action?
Och, it shouldnae be long. Baron Ironblood's been keeping a low profile recently, and that's oot of character.
Well I 'ope it's-a soon, sir. A man could die of boredom out here. Mama Mia!
What is it?
Is-a something moving on the shoreline, there on the low-level radar, is lots of something!
OK put me on the air, Breaker. alert! alert!

Ah jeez, this is the audio tape transcript, Baron's Revenge or wotevr, someone was banging on about it before.

"Ah, brings back such memories of Oxford"
"Bzzt.. does not compute."
"Why didn't I get to be a star? Insufficient theatrical zeal?"

Kraken groups one, two and three: spread out on all sides, I want that radar post surrounded. Group four: come with me.

We obey, Black Major.

Take out those search lights... That's better.



Get on ta HQ, Breaker, get 'em ta divert that SAS training flight, double quick... We're hopelessly outnumbered. Those hideous green things are still coming outta ta sea.

Right-a way, Sir.


Bbrrbll bbrrbll brb dll

Message-a way, Sir. Sir they'rre-a stopping... they've formed-a ring around-a the building.


Campbell.... Yes, I know your real name.... Hold your fire, I have you surrounded, you can not escape.


It's the Black Major... If I eva get ma hands.... Okay ceasefire, lads. Lets hear what he has ta say, at least it'll buy us some time until the SAS get's here. Okay, Black Major, we're listening.


Soon the world will listen... This is just a little demonstration of things to come. These are Kracken; all clones, each one exactually alike, the perfect marine army, perfectly disciplined, they obey without question, fight without fear.


Aye, and smell like old sardines. Okay I'm impressed. They're evil and you're evil.


I serve the Baron and the Baron will conquer.

HUUURRRRR HUUUURRRRRRR HURRRRRRR


Not-a this time.... Here comes the SAS!!!


WHOP WHOP WHOP


Go for it, Hawk!!!


Wilco, Breaker, we just gonna clear up this beach. Form up... Okay Chopper, righto Blades, let 'em have it!!!!

Whop, ZAP, ZAP, KABOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!

Well trooper, first day in . How do you feel?
Bit puzzled, sir. What are we doing at the National Exhibition Centre?



All in good time, trooper. From now on call me Eagle. You left your own name behind when you were selected for
Yes Eagle.
Follow me.

beep-be-deep obble dobble dowwwwwwwwwww boowweeemmmmmmmmmmmmmm

We're going down a long way. I didn't know there was a basement here!
Very few people do, trooper. You're about to enter HQ, three floors below the Exhibiton Centre.



But how does it stay hidden?
Precisely because it's not, trooper.



If you station men and machinery in the middle of nowhere, they stick out like a sore thumb.



Plant them where there's constant movement of men, machinery and equipment, they vanish completely.
That's ingenious, Eagle.
Has to be, trooper, we have to stay one step ahead of Ironblood.
What's that?



High-speed monorial to the airport. Comes up inside the hanger. We hop on to ordinary commercial freighters and sky-launch our craft through cargo doors at altitude.



Right! Smarten yourself up, here's the Command Room.

bibbly-bibble-bip

They're waiting for you in the Briefing Room, Eagle.
Thank you. Now trooper, I think you should be in on this one. We'll get you up-to-date on The Baron's latest escapade.



Good afternoon, gentlemen. The trooper here has joined my unit and he's sitting in. Trooper, let me introduce you, we're very informal here. Skip, who commands , specialises in strategy and heavy armour.
[headbutts] pleased tae meet ye.
Sky Raider, in charge of . He's our best tactician. He's a Yank too but we don't hold that against him.
(pretending to be english) Gee thanks Eagle. Hi there.
Hullo.
And this is Dolphin. he's with in charge of our Sealion unit.
[welsh]Pleased to meet you.[/welsh]
Right, let's get down to it. Skip, debrief on the Kraken raid.
Bit strange, in fact. The Black Major had us pinned doon, and those Kraken things couldae wiped us oot, but he held them back. You've heard the record tapes?



I did. A demonstration, he said. More like a diversion.



I think he's up to something and wants us to worry about Krakens while he cooks up something even nastier.



Anyone want to add anything?
[welsh]Noo.[/welsh]
(pretending to be american) Nothing here.
Very well, gentlemen. [starts hearing voices] Yes Sir. Right away, Sir.

The Commander wants me and you, trooper.
Me?
Through here.



Ah. Eagle. Trooper.
SAH!
Sir.
I've got a job for you, Eagle. Sit yourselves down. A little bit out of the ordinary, I want you to do some investigation.
What's the problem, sir?
You've heard of Global Shipping?



Largest shipping company in the world, aren't they Sir?
Correct. Owned by Spirros Curios until recently. He disappeared in very mysterious circumstances and since then his daughter has sold a controlling interest to a Swiss based company operating out of a numbered account in Geneva.



We can't find out who owns it and they're so big they could paralyze world shipping if it fell into the wrong hands.
Isn't that the company that's building those revolutionary ocean barges?
That's right. They're planning a demonstration of the barges in every world capital next week. The design is quite ingenious, they can go right up rivers as well as travelling across oceans with just one atomic powered tub.



What do you want me to do, Sir?
I want you to go out to the far east where the barges are being built. I want you to find out everything you possibly can.
[experiences brief acid flashback] Whats, uh, what's my cover Sir?
You're a reporter with the Financial Daily, and the trooper here is your photographer.



When do we go, sir?
Immediately. Good luck.
SAH!
Sir.

O.M.G that is soo funny!
I love the monorail cat the most!
Mind of a genius I say (an evil one at that)

that's f'in hilarious!

Now that was well worth the read. [welsh] I know how to talk to my Welsh rhythm guitarist now, so's he'll understand me better [/welsh]. It needs the killer Cat from the Goodies too



Oh, er. E's coom oorf his Monorail

Monorail, monorail, monorail.... yes I watch far too much TV.

This really made my day!