Blood for the Baron!

Is this Austrailia?

sf1378 wrote:Is this Austrailia?

Sure is.

Mission – Find that elusive Whale - Port Douglas and the Stingers

“Right, I’m getting fed up of the walking now – this is the third pair of ninja slippers I’ve gone through on this trip alone, and this whale is seemingly leading me a merry dance, if I don’t find the amorous swine soon I will have to sort something else out instead” he ponders, as he scours the horizon at Port Douglas:



“Damn, I’m one handsome ninja, and holding up particularly well considering I’ve flown half way around the world, and done over a thousand miles in SteveD’s trouser pocket!” he modestly declares, a bit of his old arrogance slipping back into the forlorn chaps demeanour:



When something caught his eye:



“I bloody hope they are!” – “If I don’t find this flaming Whale soon I’ll at least have some sort of transport! Now I wonder what modifaction the Baron's scientists have carried out to make them Marine Stingers? Or whether they are simply old ones repacked with different stickers and packaging?”



Once he realised that it meant jelly fish however, he was less enthused about the area, and headed off up the road once more, pausing only for a brief chill out at a rather cool canyony thing with huge rocks in it:






Bemused, and running out of ideas [both Stormie and me] our reluctant hero fears his mission is going nowhere, until he can find this chuffing Whale.

Stormie at the Great Barrier Reef

Having stowed away on another boat, Stormie finds himself now out at the Great Barrier Reef, still looking for the errant Shamu




"Nope, nothing here but fish"



“I can’t see a bloody thing from under here – I’m going to have to get my pyjamas wet it seems – I just hope they don’t go see through as I jump in” he decides, "and I just hope I don't nearly flaming drown agan like at that stupid lake" as he fearlessly takes the plunge:-



[See - told you he was fearless. ish]

On this occasion, however, Stormie had prepared by bringing with him his special “giant hand” underwater craft:-



"Nothing here but a bunch of fish" [and photography that really does not at all do justice to how amazing it was down there]:-



"Nope, still nothing"



Stormy almost loses his head at the excitement of getting up close and personal with some coral:-




[And the lighting as you get deeper just makes everything look pink]:-




"Ah, this is hopeless! I can’t find my Shamu anywhere, and the photos simply fail to document the spectacular nature of my adventures due to this cheap underwater camera, and the buffoonish failure of SteveD to hold his breath for long enough to swim down really deep, hold me steady without dropping me, and then take a photo, whilst simultaneously not drowning. Once I get back to the UK after this mission I will get myself a comedy sidekick/whipping boy to perform such basic tasks for me! I’ve had enough, I’m getting out of here…."

However, as seemingly all hope of finding the errant whale leaves him, Shamu once more resurfaces!!!



"Ow do matey. Right, I’m all done servicing lady whales now, and you’ll be pleased to learn that due to a combination of my legendary prowess and an overindulgence in plankton I still have lots of energy left to help you with you quest” he offered.

"About bloody time" ranted Stormie

“Incidentally mate” – [to be read in an Aussie accent, as Shamu is from Australia, after all] “If you really want to take over Australia mate you need to pop to Sydney” he helpfully offered, as this not only gives the story an otherwise somewhat lacking direction, but also a means of ending this tale once and for all.

“I have no need for assistance!!!” rants Stormie, still a little pissed at Shamu, “From this chap called Sydney nor anyone else!” he ranted “other than perhaps you” he sheepishly added, remembering his time on the road, and his still weary feet, and worried about upsetting his newly acquired friend/transport.

After a short explanation that Sydney was, in fact, the largest city in Oz, and not in fact a person (such explanation involving several flip charts and pointing sticks before Stormie actually got the picture) our diva-esq ninja agreed that the plan was a good one, and agreed that Sydney was, in fact, the way forward.

Unfortunately, when Stormie was shown where Sydney was on a map, he was less than impressed;

“What, oh for F@*KS SAKE!!! I’ve just come from down that way!!! It’s bloody miles!!! How on earth are we going to get all that way????”

“No worries mate, hop onboard, and we’ll be there in no time!” offered Shamu.

And for once in his life, Stormie did exactly as told, and sat himself astride the mighty mammal, and the two swam off on the long journey right back down the coast to Sydney…

[now, dear readers, I realise that that is an incredibly long way down in real terms, and that the Whale journey sounds a bit of a cop out, but it’s a lot more exciting than the fact he took a rather dull domestic flight back down in my trouser pocket, so if you can perhaps imagine this is a film, and that some video footage of Stormie and Shamu majestically splashing through the water is accompanied by some sort of 80’s rock power ballad playing in the background, that would obviously add to the situation, and make it an acceptable cut scene? There, happy now? Good – SteveD]

SteveD wrote:On a total side note - is anyone else's PC not working with the "view more Muticons" link - it used to open a new window, but now they open a whole new page, and don't work (he says, totally hijacking his own thread)

Yes. It's been that way since the forum crash, I can't figure it out.

Storm on Bondi Beach (see what I’ve done there?) :–

As the end of the 80’s power ballad fades into the background we rejoin Mr S. Shadow, and his faithful Shamu (well, faithful unless there are any lady Whales around that is) upon their approach to Sydney….

“We need to find somewhere to land Shamu” hollers Stormie over the splashing of Shamu’s ferocious swimming, “I know – there – Bondi Beach” he points, “Australia’s most famous beach. Home of the Surfing Society. I will show them how a Ninja hangs ten!!! With their radical ways and unkempt appearances”, he adds, effectively narrating and thus saving me a job.

“I can even lap up some rays with a bit of sunbathing surrounded by hot chicks!” (surely that would turn his ninja gear a light brown, or beige though, and that’s not a good look? Sorry – narrating a bit much now aren’t I?)

Upon arrival, however, it was pissing it down, and rather cold:



“More Scarborough than Bondi” moans Stormy, as he hops back over the fence,

(stormy jumping sides? Never! Well, maybe once or twice).



“Bugger that, I’m not going in the sea in this weather for a bit of surfing, and the chances of catching some rays and turning my ninja suit beige ranks somewhere between ‘slim’ and ‘none’ ”. Disappointed, he hops back onto Shamu’s back,

“Where to now Boss?” asks Shamu

“Right into Sydney itself – Darling Harbour!” Stormie decides, showing balls we’ve not seen from the whining tart for many a month in this thread

“What???? South of the River, at this time of night???? You must be joking me?” moans Shamu, sounding strangely like a London Cabbie, as he sets off towards the final stage of our hero’s quest – Sydney itself…

Stormie’s Assault on Sydney!

Stormy parks up Shamu and instantly realises that Sydney is for more advanced than the rest of Australia:-



“Damn it! If only I’d had one of those I would have had this flaming mission completed weeks ago instead of arsing about with that bloody elusive whale of mine!”

“oi! You ungrateful sod! I can still hear you you know! I’m only here!” replies Shamu, feelings clearly hurt.



“ I care not for your feelings Whale – you have served your purpose, and are of no further use to me now! Goodbye” (oo, aint he nasty?) he shouts, as he heads off into the city for his final assault, leaving Shamu with naught but fond memories and a tear in his eye.

“I need to break their spirit to break their resistance” he decides, “I need to seize a symbol of Sydney, a symbol of Australia. Only once they are totally crushed beneath my boot shall this country be mine….sorry,…..the Barons.”

In keeping with his approach to pretty much every task thus far, Stormie decides to ascend to a rather high vantage point to get a better view of the task at hand…



“Too much glare”, our hero moans, “how am I to get a clear view of my mission if I can not even see unhindered” he ranted, although admittedly looking out of the window, rather than inward may have helped, and then it dawned on him –

“I know, I shall scale that there Harbour Bridge, and get an unobscured view of what I shall need to seize to stamp my authority and rule upon this country for the Baron once and for all! And maybe then I can head home in time for tea and crumpets.”



“Right bridge, prepare to be scaled like you’ve never been scaled before”, he chunters, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the bridge is highly unlikely to answer him back, [although already so far in this tale a Whale has given voice, so it wouldn’t come as too much of a surprise really]: -



“Right bridge, you may be somewhat further away than I anticipated, and thus am taking a while longer to get to than I expected, but once I am there, and I’ve had a quick sit down to get my breath back, I shall scale thee like a rat up a drainpipe”…

We continue..... (to be read in the voice of Judge Jules, for you early 2000 ravers out there...)

Mission - Sydney Harbour Bridge

[Narrators notes:- unfortunately when you climb Sydney Harbour Bridge you are not allowed to take anything with you that might fall or be dropped, as apparently it might upset motorists below to have a Nikon dropped onto their car. I did smuggle Stormie up the bridge in my jeans pocket however, but the rather unflattering boiler suits you have to wear do not have any way of accessing your pockets (nor any other things down that way that you may need to access). So, whilst he is “there” in all of my photos of me up the bridge, he’s not actually there to be seen. But I guess that’s the way it should be for Ninja’s? There, but undetected?

Incidentally, I did try to talk the Bridge Climb Instructor around to the idea of Stormie being allowed to come with us without being confined to a pocket, pointing out that Stormie was already wearing his own jumpsuit, and even offering to leave his swords in one of the lockers, but he just looked at me like I was mental. Funny that, really. No sense of humour some people.].

Needless to say, whilst up the Bridge, a plan was, indeed, formulated… [to be read in a slightly muffled voice, due to him being hidden in my pocket]...


“The Opera House! Why didn’t I think of that before! Despite it only being built for fifty years or so, and being built by a chap from Denmark anyway, it is the most famous building in this most youthful of countries, and one which they are rightly proud. It will make an excellent Centre of Operations for the Baron’s rule of the Southern Hemisphere, and will truly crush the spirit and remaining resistance of this country. (well, what little spirit remains from a country that considers Neighbours serious drama)”, he decides, hopefully setting us a long overdue conclusion to this six months overdue tale….

To be Concluded.... (yes, you read that right - concluded - try not to all cheer at once...)

SteveD wrote:To be Concluded....

TFFT

The Baron wrote:

SteveD wrote:To be Concluded....

TFFT

If it's a box office success there could be a sequel?