Blood for the Baron!

I just suggested it to the missus and the answer was not pleasant

scoobydie wrote:Now this is funny
Many a holiday are going to be invaded by the lesser halfs taking their little buddies along.
I`m going to be taking a guest next time

Totally agree with you on that one. If Mr Muton never arrives my way, I'll have to take another character out and about with me pn hols, possibly also featuring in some client ad campaigns from work if I get the balls....

Anyhow, great story so far SteveD - loving it!
:):)

Steve

Smuggled in the hand luggage is the best way to keep a little chap under the Girl Radar. And you get the added fun of playing "spot the Stormshadow" (which would obviously be rather difficult if you'd taken the Muton) when your bag goes through the X Ray machine!

Anyway, on with the debriefing...

Mission: take control of the Gold Coast by seizing the Worlds highest residential tower (Q1, at Surfers Paradise, Australia, apparently) in the name of the Baron. (Part 1 – Devising a Plan)

Somewhat disturbed by his recent encounter on the beach our fearless (ish) hero retreats to the balcony of his somewhat swanky apartment in Surfers Paradise (paid for from Baron’s almost limitless funds from laundering all of that Nazi gold over the years) whilst he contemplates his next move…



Suddenly, in a moment of clarity, our (already somewhat grubby) hero has a flashback to his adventures at the beach earlier in the day and the skyline of the city…



…”I shall ascend the Q1 Tower and lay claim to it in the name of our esteemed Baron” decides Stormshadow, “that way we can paint the Q1 red, apply a few logos and rename it “Baron 1” to give our illustrious leader strategic advantage over all of Surfers Paradise and even the surrounding suburbs where all of the ridiculously well off people live!” decides our ninja friend. “now if only I could come up with a plan to seize said building” he ponders out loud to nobody in particular

[Narrators notes:- obviously all of Stormshadows ponderings are actually in Japanese. Luckily you have all been secretly fitted with a special Babblefish into your ears whilst you weren’t looking, so you understand everything the little man is saying, otherwise his ramblings would make even less sense than they already do. Anyway, on with our tale….]



Our hero fails to devise a plan, however upon his moving slightly to the right, and slightly more into focus, he comes up with a brilliant attack plan, synonymous with the brilliant mind of a ninja descended from over 30 generations of assassins…



“If only I could work out a way to cut off the power supply to this, the world’s tallest residential tower (apparently) I could sneak in under their security systems!” He declares out loud to no one in particular, and somewhat out of character for a silent ninja such as he, “would make it a bit of bugger to get to the top, as it would also knock out the lift” he continues, “and it’s over 70 floors high, but no problem whatsoever for a conditioned ninja such as me who survives on a diet of sushi and fresh fruit, and can do several press ups without getting out of breath” he muses. “may be a bit of a task for that somewhat portly SteveD who’s been following me about for the last few days” he somewhat coldly adds, “but it’s his own fault for being more familiar with Jim Beam than Gym equipment” he goes on to add, rubbing salt into the wounds of your already somewhat downtrodden narrator. “The power supply it is” he decides, as he toddles off in pursuit of a giant plug, or possibly some sort of wires [my money’s on the wires]….

To be continued (as I’m suffering from Insomnia)…

Mission: take control of the Gold Coast by seizing the Worlds highest residential tower (Q1, at Surfers Paradise, Australia, apparently) in the name of the Baron. (Part 2 – In pursuit of Power)

As our hero sets off from the rather nice surroundings of the beach he heads up to the mountains to get a good view of the area as a whole, in the hope of spotting a power source he can tamper with, such as a giant plug, or perhaps some wires [my money is still on the wires].

“nothing here except some rather pretty scenery” he declares, sounding very much out of character for a cold blooded killer, and more akin to a slightly tired 30 something who really ought to be in bed as he’s got an early start tomorrow, but his body clock is still totally out of sync with UK time…



…”ahhhh, looks more promising” he drones on [again – still in Japanese, but hopefully still being understood by you all, due to the presence of the aforementioned Babblefish. Should any of you be experiencing problems with said Babblefish please remove them from your ear and give them a good shake, before carefully re-inserting and continuing with our tale] from his vantage point atop his hire car (red, of course) seemingly oblivious to the fact that an out of scale tree has seemingly grown from the top of the car and is sneaking up on our little chap…



“JACKPOT!!” shouts he, as he locates the power source he has been looking for, which, not surprisingly, takes the form of some wires rather than a giant plug! [come on – the clues were there]



Our hero then sets about sawing away at the wires with the one small sword he had with him on his mission (hey, he only had a 20kg luggage allowance, and those swords are pretty heavy. And of course he couldn’t take them on as hand luggage due to them being sharp objects and all, even if he did put them into one of those little see through bags).

Power supply trashed, he resheaths his (to scale) katana and heads back down to begin his ascent of the (for the time being) Q1 Tower.
[Worlds tallest residential tower apparently. What? You knew that already? Smart arses. Please yourselves.]

To be continued…(should bloody hope so too – would I leave you all in suspense like that dear readers? Of course not!)

Will Stormie make the "Q1" the "Baron 1"? [smart money's on yes].

Will he have lots more adventures? [again, my pounds on the afirmative]

Will anyone sufficiently care or am I just waffling on endlessly, rather than go to bed?

Tune in when next I get the chance to sit here typing away, same bat time, same bat channel...

Mission: take control of the Gold Coast by seizing the Worlds highest residential tower (Q1, at Surfers Paradise, Australia, apparently) in the name of the Baron. (Part 3 – Cocktails, nosebleeds and hot chicks!)

Much to the joy of SteveD the lift was independently powered and thus he was able to simply pay a few dollars to get to the top of the tower (having paused briefly to laugh heartily at the young girl who fell over in a very comedic fashion in the gift shop, resulting in your intrepid narrator having to swiftly leave the area as he was getting nasty looks from folks as he was chuckling so much[it was incredibly funny!]) just in time to capture Stormies arrival on the observation deck without the embarrassment of keeling over having climbed 70 plus stories. "Blimey, it's a bit high up here" he declares. "Almost feels like the Worlds Tallest Residential Tower" he accurately surmises.



Our yellowing ninja, having scaled the tower and avoided gaggles of tourists was therefore able to lay claim to it in the name of the Baron (despite them being from slightly different eras in the AF universe, which is largely being overlooked for the purposes of this tale, as it’s a bit too much hassle to go back and do it all again with a Muton rather than Stormie!)



Mission accomplished, with the Gold Coast and Surfers Paradise claimed in the name of Baron Ironblood Stormshadow felt he could relax a bit and let his hair down (trust me, inside that hood his hair is very let down). It was then that he realised that there was a Cocktail Bar atop his new acquisition, and some hot young ladies!



Losing his ninja composure for just a moment, (hey, we all know that the ladies find ninjas irresistable!) Stormie falls into an evening of drink, as he struggles with his Daquari….



Clearly a little worse for wear after barely making an impression on his Daquari, our hero slowly sinks into a booze fuelled night, but who can blame him. The first leg of his mission is accomplished. The Gold Coast and Surfers Paradise are now under his total control, and Stormshadows weakness for girlie drinks that match his special Ninja Pyjamas is revealed to the world at large.




The following day, our slightly hung over chap relaxes on Baron’s newly acquired Surfers Paradise Beach as he plans his next assault on the Australian Coast, and craves sugary snack products.



It does not take our hero very long at all to overcome his hangover however due to his amazing ninja conditioning and before he knows it he’s on his merry way up the coast towards Brisbane.




“I’ll pop back another time and take Brisbane” he declares, after realising it’s filled with English people, who will insist on telling you emigrating is the “best thing they ever did” and how “they’ve never been happier” despite them clearly being so homesick that they feel the need to strike up conversations with anyone with a remotely English accent. "And Australian chocolate is rubbish, as it’s got stuff in to stop it melting that makes it taste funny", moans our reluctant hero, as he surveys the area from atop a very high point.



Having declared himself not arsed with Brisbane, Stormie carries on up the coast, in pursuit of new conquests for the Baron to cement his foothold down under.

To be continued, including Stormie and the Whale, Stormie at the Rainbow Beach, and Stormie tries out for Q Force!

LOL this is funny, thanks for the larf today.

Right, ahem, where were we? Ah yes, I see…

When last we left Stormshadow he had, after a somewhat longwinded journey, claimed “Q1” as “Baron 1” and laid claim to the area surrounding Surfers Paradise. He had ambled his ninja ass up as far as Brisbane before declaring that he generally couldn’t be arsed with it, and thus headed on up the coast.

We pick up our tale just past Brisbane, hence:-

Mission: - Glass House Mountains

Still somewhat chuffed by the relative ease with which these Aussie folks are surrendering their land into the Baron’s attractive property portfolio Stormshadow carefully plots his next step as he heads up the coast.

Spotting a brown sign for the Glass House Mountains Stormie devises a cunning plan designed to break the spirits of our antipodean cousins:

“I shall visit these Glass House Mountains, and throw stones at them, in order to smash these mountains of glass, and thus smash the fighting spirit of these Australian folks” he decides. Good plan. Although perhaps a little too focussed on the 'glass' part, rather than the 'mountain', but we shall see.

After what seems like several hours of driving through trees our destructive ninja arrives at the viewing point for the Glass House Mountains:-



“Bollocks!!!” mutters our ninja chum “They’re not made of glass at all!” he astutely observes,

“No chance of me breaking them! I’m a trained ninja for crying out loud! I can kill a man in 48 different ways with my bare hands. I’ve got badges sewn onto my trunks to prove it and everything! No way I’m going to break them buggers - too much like hard work! Who do you think I am, the Muton or something!!!!” he rants on, as he has somewhat of a diva moment.



“Screw that idea, I’ll find another way” he decides, “and the Australian Tourist Board shall be receiving a strongly worded letter from my lawyers about a fraudulent misrepresentation! Glass House Mountains indeed!”

Still muttering to himself, our increasingly stroppy hero heads on up the coast further, having clearly gotten out of the wrong side of bed this morning…

(to be continued) [unfortunately]

Mission: - Rainbow Beach

After being somewhat annoyed by the disappointment that was the Glass House Mountains Stormie is somewhat unsure what to expect as he heads towards Rainbow Beach,

“Likely not even be rainbow coloured at all” he rants. “Probably just a title given to hide a bit of man loving going on” he very un-politically correctly rants, still seemingly a bit short tempered after the Glass House incident, and of course, misinterpreting the name to tie in with the rainbow flag and all it represents.



His mood soon lightens however as he stands atop a large fence post, and surveys the beach. “Hurrah” declares he, “even though it will likely not translate very well to photograph, the beach is indeed rather multicoloured” he notices, and at the same time helps his narrator out, “the Baron could do with a supply of multicoloured sand!” he declares, “he could build houses with funny coloured cement, or collect all of the red sand for a nice red beach for the Red Shads to lounge around on, or, best of all, he could fill his mansion with those tacky touristy glass things that you fill with multi coloured sand!!!”. Our hero’s spirits lifted, he sets about claiming Rainbow Beach…

On his way to the highest point he can possibly find (running theme here it seems) Stormie is sidetracked by a useful item out of the corner of his eye:-



“This may come in handy later” Stormie decides, as he steals the propeller from the cliff top:-



“I’ll show Dolphin” he declares, “mine is much bigger than his, and I shall beat Q Force at their own game” he decides, setting out a plot thread for later in this tale…

"If nothing else I could always weigh it in" he ponders, seemingly showing some slightly pikey side to his character, suggesting that Ma Stormshadow may have got fresh with the tattooed guy who operated the Waltzers when the Funfair was in town...

Propeller stashed in the boot of his hire car, Stormie heads up to a weird sandy dune thing on the top of a cliff, where he ponders how best he can claim the area for the Baron, to facilitate a constant supply of multi-coloured sandy goodness to use to fill the Baron’s Mansion with touristy tat:



“ I shall sit atop this log, heeding the words of Otis Reading and Marvin Gay, watching the ships going in, and coming out again” decides Stormie,



After a while of pondering, and admiring the virgin sands (hey, he normally resides near Barnsley – it’s the first time he’s seen anything remotely virginal in many moons) Stormie feels he needs a better vantage point, and so toddles his merry way off down the weird ‘beach on top of a cliff’ to look further out over the Bay:



“Ah ha, that’s better” he muses out loud, “I shall sit atop this rock, and cast my view out over the bay, where it is reported that Whales can sometimes be spotted this time of year” he states, sounding increasingly like an extra from a Shakespeare play rather than an oriental ninja.



Stormie’s ponderings are interrupted by a very distant spurt of water (seemingly not caught on camera) that can only represent a whale, far off in the bay area. “I shall have to speak with one of these Whales”, decides Stormie, setting up a further plot thread for later in these ramblings, “If Cutter can have a whale, why shouldn’t I?” declares SS.



The whale being somewhat camera shy, Stormie drifts off into a distant place, as he ponders how best to claim the coloured sands, when suddenly his peaceful trance is shattered by a strange German gentleman!

“Vot are you doing viv ze small white toy” enquires the stereotypical German chap with the tremendous handlebar moustache and very faded Metallica t-shirt of SteveD as he climbs out onto the cliff edge to retrieve our ninja chum.

After several minutes of explaining by our faithful narrator, he still struggles to grasp the importance of Stormie’s mission, and unfortunately was not keen on the idea of being photographed with our Ninja chum. Chuckling to himself about how crazy we were, he ambled off, and started trying to explain what was going on to his also stereotypical wife, once more leaving Stormie alone to plot.

“I know”, he shouts [Stormie, not the German chap] “I shall claim the rainbow sands by marking my name in the rainbow sands! Hey, if Captain Cook can claim the whole bloody country just by sticking a flag in it, then surely I can claim the Rainbow Beach by writing on the sands above it” he logically concludes, and sets about with his work.



(Spot the Stormshadow!)

Sands no longer virginal (hey, they never stay that way long) Stormie claims the Rainbow Beach on behalf of the Baron, and thus secures a valuable source of multi-coloured sandy goodness for the Baron’s use in the future.

Mission accomplished, our hero takes the weight of his weary feet and chills out on the newly acquired beach for five minutes or so whilst he ponders his next steps in his continuing mission – to boldly go where no 3 ¾ ninja has gone before.



To be continued…..(unless someone bribes me not to, or I get banned from the boards for this thread)

Is there any chance you could redo this using instead, please?